She’s Just Not That Into YouPosted: October 8, 2011
It had to happen, how could I write a dating blog and not once have a post that referenced the most famous of all dating tomes?
I learned a lot of new things from Fred’s last post. I learned that he can’t keep a secret. (Seriously Fred? You had to tell the entire world about the goat taint thing? I thought it was obvious that was not something I would want broadcast across the internet.) I also learned somethings about Fred and somethings about men which I will discuss…now.
First, I was surprised to learn that the “I don’t need to contact you because I’ve got a lot going on in my life” game is not the dating world’s version of Solitaire. What I mean is that every single time I have played that game in my life –which is a lot, if it were a sport in high school I would have lettered in it– I assumed that I was playing alone. I thought that whatever guy I was actively not contacting was just not contacting me because…well, this is where it gets tricky. I usually convinced myself at the time that he was not contacting me because he did, in fact, have a lot going on in his life but in my heart of hearts I assumed/knew he wasn’t contacting me because he just wasn’t that into me. To find out that guys too play that game, and I don’t mean just sad loser guys (See, Swingers) but fun, interesting, attractive guys who have something to offer the Ginger’s of this world play this game too, AND sometimes lose (See, the approximately 325 texts Fred sent the Do-Gooder last weekend), was pretty eye-opening.
Which brings up an interesting question. How can we be sure that this is in fact a game for two? In other words, how do you know Fred, that the Do-Gooder is playing the game and isn’t just “not that into you”?
And that leads me to the thing I learned about Fred. I learned that Fred is not really interested in actually finding a girlfriend, which in and of itself is fine but he is acting like he is interested in finding a girlfriend (i.e. going on actual dates with girls he really likes as opposed to his usual Fall routine of taking a different girl to the same apple orchard and on the same hayride every weekend). And therein lies the problem. Now, Awkward Dancers I personally do not know if Fred is or is not looking for a girlfriend. I just know that it appears that he is in the “I am interested in emotional committing myself to people who are not interested in committing themselves to me” phase of his dating life. I am intimately familiar with this phase, I’ve been in it for basically all of my 20s and while it seems I may have exited the phase only time will tell for sure. I suspected that Fred might be in this phase after the Puppy-killer debacle but was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Now with the Do-Gooder I am fairly certain Fred’s one-sided emotional commitment phase is in full swing.
Fred was very interested in the Puppy-killer (which I know from Awkward Dance staff meetings and not so much from his blogging) and thus was willing to put up with a lot of craziness and strange behavior in the hopes that she would come around, realize she was madly in love with him, and let him lick champagne off her ass on their post Vegas-wedding honeymoon. Now it appears that he is willing to put up with a lot of lukewarmness from the Do-Gooder. But the problem with this Fred, is that they rarely, if ever, come around, at least in my experience. I also know that it is a lonely, difficult phase to be in so the quicker you can move past it the better.
I think that us humans just want to be with other humans, most of us crave closeness, crave it so much that we are willing to accept any imitation of it. Which is an ok thing to do as long as we are honest with ourselves and admit that, that is what we are doing. I don’t know if Fred is being honest with himself or not. Maybe I am completely wrong about the entire thing and he is just out there having fun, doing the Awkward Dance (which is not too dissimilar from the Funky Chicken). I just know that it all sounds similar to experiences I had in the past where I was very into men who were maintaining only a marginal interest in me. Regardless, Fred, you should spend your time with girls who are as excited about seeing you as you are about seeing them. And if a girl you are dating doesn’t swoon at a text that reads, “I miss your face” she is probably just not that into you.